Tag Archives: the Quran

me

12 May

I am a new believer of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I believe that He was sent by God our Father to earth, as a human being, to save us from sin and death. Jesus Christ, our Lord is the light of mankind. With His sacrifice, His lashes, His crucification and His death, He took all our sins and death with Him and with His resurrection, we are born again! We have our advocate with God our Father. We have life. We have eternity. Jesus Christ is our Lord and mighty Saviour! Love abounds!

I was a former believer of Islam. As one, I felt alone and restless a lot. I was taught to and did pray as time permits, with school, work etc. It felt like a regime and my heart was not in it. I tried to ask elders and friends about it but i felt unanswered. I understood there was a God that judged all our acts, who could be merciful but I was not sure if God was with me, hearing me. I felt that God was far away. There was only the cycle of everyday life and people to deal with. My parents worked very hard and we were usually at a babysitter`s house. I think we were sent to more than 5 different ones in as many years. One of them molested me for about a year until I had the courage to say I was big enough to take care of my brothers on my own. My father married another lady and life became increasingly unpleasant, confusing and sad. I was sent to the Islamic equivalent of Sunday school for awhile then taken out. For many years, life was school and conflicts at home and between my mum and dad´s family. I never had many friends and became increasingly quiet. I found solace only in story books and music. I realized that I was inadequate with people then. Most people made me uncomfortable. The only people i talked to was a close girlfriend, my father and my grandmother. When my father died suddenly, I felt completely lost and alone. I retreated inside and into my books and routine, still, I wanted to die. I went through my days like a zombie, then nights reading almost waiting for the door to open and for my dad to walk in. After a while, with the help of my grandma and life which kept on going, I thought I was me again. But I felt like there was a big gaping hole in me. I tried to pray more, I joined a religious organization, specifically for beginners and went to classes. I learn some things that helped me a little but the hole was still there and I saw different kind of people that made me back out slowly and leave the place. Years went by and I retreated deeper and deeper inside myself pretending I was fine. I began to question a lot of things like why we were praying in a language I did not understand, how come God didn’t want us to just pray and talk to him in the language i knew, why cnt we eat pork when God made those too, whats wrong with dogs, why is drink forbidden, why I feel so alone. I felt God wasn’t listening, I felt that people were just following things blindly. As time went by, I made decisions that changed my life and regrets multiplied. I tried to cast them aside and keep on moving but I was getting so tired inside. What was the point in all this? No one seemed to see me. I did not think God was listening, maybe cos of all the things I had done. The only time when I felt my family getting close together with me was when i was getting married. The family I had came into was a good one, a big and close one. I tried so hard to assimilate but I always felt like I did not belong. Other problems arose and I was retreating further inside. I kept trying to be better with my ex then, my health, work and my insides went haywire and finally went bust. I loved my ex-mum and dad in law a lot so i tried and tried. Every time there was a family gathering I was fighting inside, especially when it was a religious one. Not only did i not know how to read the quern at the level they were all in, I did not want to. Always, even with so many people around, i felt alone. I spoke to family members, to friends and most of them told me that life is a test and we have to persevere. To what? Even heaven sounded like it was more for men than women. One actually told me to look at my mum’s life. I was horrified. I was terrified of becoming her. She had been unhappy for as long as i can remember. I felt confused, bad and exhausted. Again, I started to stay away from people. I started to read about Buddhism and so-called spiritual books to find a bit of peace, I read about Hinduism and life from different perspectives, I was chastised for reading and having ‘weird’ books in my house. At this time, I was really into the internet. Then, suddenly I couldn’t be there any more, was offered something I hoped for and left the country. Here, i feel calm which is amazing and after awhile, energized. it was beautiful to be calm.

I fully believe that I was saved by our Lord Jesus Christ when He led me here. It was a miracle and a wondrous thing that I am here. I had never even taught about visiting , let alone living here. It was not in my list of places to visit. For some reason, I felt like I had come home. With the calm, life went on and I learnt something everyday. After knowing my fiancee a while, he began to tell me about the Lord. Slowly but surely, I saw things, people, life a different way. I saw God a different way. I began to want to learn more and then we read the bible, and everything made sense. There is no confusion, everything is in order and it is amazing to see how things enfold historically and even now. I began to be more open inside and I began to love God, our Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.

It is so comforting not only to believe but really know that God loves us. From the very beginning to the very end. His awesome Love and Grace is manifested in Jesus Christ, for us. And God, is not just God, He is Abba our Father.

All glory to our Father, I am so very grateful. Thank you for bringing me here, for saving me. I love you Jesus! And Holy Spirit, thank you for being there guiding me always and everyday. I pray that I always walk in the light, that I be a good person walking in Your way doing Your will always. In Jesus name, Amen!